Suppresed Emotions, Hidden Desires
by GMTDM
Summary: Asuka Langley Soryu. A troubled girl, with a troubled past. She has had no one to really love since her mother died. Will that change? ShinjixAsuka. FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. Chapter 1

Supressed Emotions, Hidden Desires

An AsukaxShinji Romance. Enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: I own NO part of Neon Genesis Evangelion, GAINAX does. And Evangelion's creator. NOT ME. But, Evangelion DOES own me.

Bold text between quotations " " means thought Non-bold means the opposite: SPEECH! Italics means a change in language.

Prologue and Intoduction:

Asuka Langley Soryu.

A girl with a...disturbing past. Her real mother, Kyoto Zeppelin Soryu, killed herself after going insane in an accident with Evangelion Unit 02, when Asuka was four years old. Her stepmother then rejected her, saying she acted 'too grown up' for her age. Her mother hung herself, and a doll that, after going insane from the unit 02 accident, she believed was her real daughter. Asuka ran home after they made her official pilot, and found her mother hanging from the ceiling of her kitchen, the doll beheaded, and beside her. Asuka then vowed that she would never cry again. She was a strong girl, but her ego often made her unbareable. She thought that she had to be the best in everything, including being an Eva pilot. She utterly despises anyone who can best her, and that means Shinji Ikari, Third Child.

Even though Asuka seems to hate Shinji, the pair ends up falling madly in love with one another, through a strange turn of events. Fate is mysterious.

Chapter 1: Two opposites

Asuka Langley Soryu was trying to run away. Trying to run away from her past. Her dreams are haunted by memories of her past, and she wants to forget those terrible images. Images of her mother, swaing from the light in their kitchen, the look of insanity crossing her face. The happiness Asuka felt when she rushed home to tell her mother that NERV had made her an official pilot of Evangelion Unit two. "Mama! Mama! Guess what! They made me an official pilot!" She cried as she flung open the door to her Berlin home. "M--Ma-mama!" She cried shakely as she saw her mother, swinging in a circle, with a dolls severed head and body, surrounded by droplets of blood. Asuka was four years old at the time. Her father then remarried, and her step-mother rejected her because she acted too mature. "She never cries, and she acts so professionally." Her step-mother said, behind closed doors. She was then put under the care of Ryoji Kaji. When she was fourteen, she was transferred to NERV's Tokyo-3 Branch. She was attacked by the sixth angel, Gaghiel on the way to Tokyo, and she was placed under new care, a twenty-nine year old alcoholic, by the name of Misato Katsuragi.

That's where her troubles began. That's where she met Shinji Ikari.

On the first day there, Asuka and Shinji found out that they were in the same class. Shinji didn't want to have to deal with this. He watched, wishing that she'd leave. She spoke, using a slightly sour tone. "Hello, my name is Asuka Langley Soryu, and I hope we can all be friends." She finished rather fast, but normally, she loved attention. She quickly took her seat, next to the class representative, Hikari Horaki. Hikari simply glanced at Asuka with a small smile, and then looked towards the front again. Shinji was trying to concentrate on the board, when he heard a faint beep.

"Not now..." He thought. All his classmates, him as well, were given personal laptops, and they could send private messages at anytime. This message was quickly accompanied by another one, one message was from Toji Suzuhara, and the other was from Kensuke Aida, Shinji's best friends.

He opened the first one, from Toji.

"Oh. Sweet. Buddha. DID YOU GET A LOOK AT THE BODY ON THAT FOREIGNER? DAMN! SMOKIN HOT!" It went on, but Shinji couldn't bring himself to read it. He then opened Kensuke's.

"Man, that new girl is HOT. I mean FLAMING. I'm not one to brag, but dude. She's nice." Kensuke's was short, and subtle, not like that horny dog Toji's.

Shinji shot a look at Asuka, and then the teacher, who was writing something on the board, and began typing back to both Kensuke and Toji. He said simply:

"I know. And, guys, she has to live with me." He sent the messages, and looked back. Toji's jaw dropped, and Kensuke simply smiled smugly and pushed his glasses up. He was glad there wasn't a noisy outburst from either of the two. Shinji got through most of the day without incident, although lunch was interrupted by his two friends.

"DAMMIT, Shinji! Why didn't you tell us that you are living with the second hottest girl in the world?" Kensuke and Toji had a crush on his Commanding Officer Misato Katsuragi, who was also his and Asuka's guardian. "Yeah Shinji, why didn't you tell us? We wouldn't tell anyone.." Shinji knew deep down that what Kenusuke just said was a lie. They told everyone everything that Shinji kept secret. They had to pry his secrets from him. "Yes, you would, Kensuke. I didn't tell you, because I didn't know. I swear. I just found out a few minutes before I sent those messages to you two." He spoke quietly, trying hard not to alert anyone in his general vicinity. Kensuke and Toji looked at each other in shock, then at Shinji. They then muttered, "Lucky mother FUCK." They left Shinji to think. "**How will this effect my life?**"

He worried too much. He walked home, with Asuka at his heels. "So...Shinji is it?" He nodded slowly. "Well, get used to seeing me. I'm living with you now."

"I...I know that...Asuka." She snorted, and walked ahead of him. Her voice then rang in his ears. "Hurry up, _dumbkopf!_ I don't wanna be too late!" Shinji tried to hurry, but he couldn't run. He couldn't stop looking over her perfect figure. "When you're done ogling me, I want you to know, I don't let ANY man get near me, you hear that? So, _handen auf!_"

Shinji nodded slowly, and glanced away from her. She was stuck in his mind. He couldn't help it. He finally got to the run-down building that was the complex Misato lived in. Asuka jogged up the stairs to Misato's apartment, and her new home. Shinji walked up, very slowly. He couldn't help but think about what Asuka may do to him, if she took things he said the wrong way.

"_Guten Tag! _How are you, Miss Katsuragi?" Asuka said. Misato controlled herself from asking what she had said. "Uh...I'm fine...make yourself at home Asuka!" Misato said. "_Danke! _Where might my room be? If I have one, that is." She spoke with a slight eagerness, as if she wanted to get away from Shinji. "Down the...uh...hall." Asuka began to make her way down the hall, Shinji at her heels. Shinji didn't realize that Asuka's room was right next to his. Asuka didn't know about Pen-Pen yet. Shinji jumped out of his skin, as she bolted out of her room, and straight into Shinji's arms. She clutched onto him, like a scared owl on a branch. "Asuka! What's wrong?" She pointed towards her open closet, and Pen-Pen waddled out. He laughed, and spoke. "Asuka, that's Misato's...'pet.' It's a warm water penguin! His name's Pen-Pen. He won't hurt you." With that, Pen-Pen sqwaked, and ran to the kitchen. He grabbed one of Misato's many beers, and went inside his cooler. Asuka released her grip on Shinji, and walked into her room. Shinji walked to his room, wondering why Asuka was so frightened by a little bird. "**She must scare easily**" Shinji thought. He had never met a girl like Asuka. It was a little after 5:30, so he decided to get some relaxing time to himself. He shoved the bugs of his SDAT into his ears, and drifted away, only to be pulled back to reality by Asuka shouting at him, telling him dinner was ready. Shinji reluctantly pulled the bugs of his SDAT out of his ears, and walked with the red-headed German down the hall. He collapsed into the chair by the table, and wondered what Misato had pulled out from the back of the cupboards. Shinji glanced up, and saw some small white boxes, with the sign of their favorite tako-out place. She handed two to him, and he opened the first one. It was his favorite: Pork fried rice. The other contained Sweet and Sour chicken. Shinji happily grabbed a pair of chopsticks and began eating. Asuka stuck with the rice and chicken. She tasted a bit of the chicked and spoke. "Eh...not bad..." She continued eating, and Misato, eating what she normally got, was shoving the noodles down her throat. It disgusted Shinji to no end. He decided that if Misato died, he would have nothing to do with it. He laughed at his own humor. Shinji finished, and excused himself. Shinji looked at his watch, and it told him that it was 6:43. He didn't know what to do for the rest of the day. He went into his room, and was soon followed by Asuka. He wondered why she had followed him. "Hello Shinji. Since I'm going to be living with a pervert like you, let me tell you something." He was taken aback at the comment about him being a pervert, and listened on. "If try to grab my breasts, try to spy on me in the shower, try to mess around with me while I'm sleeping, I will kick your ass. You catch me?" The German barked. "Yes Asuka." He replied sheepishly. "Good." She snorted.

Shinji came out, and sat on the opposite end of the couch. He glanced Asuka's way, and quickly looked away. He and Asuka watched some T.V. show for quite a while, then he decided to head off to bed. He stood up, and walked over to Asuka, and leaned down to give her a hug, and whispered, "Good night." She welcomed his hug then after a second pushed him away. He stalked off down the hall, and said good night to Misato, who was working. Shinji opened his door, and flung himself on his bed. He soon fell into a deep sleep. He had slept for a few hours when he was woken up by the sound of crying. He opened his door, and found that it was coming from Asuka's bedroom. He thought something might be wrong, so he rushed in, to see Asuka sitting on the edge of her bed, with a sopping wet pillow. Shinji started advancing towards her, but he stopped when she spoke through her sobs.

"What do you want?" She barked.

"I...I'm just..I heard you crying and I thought something was wrong," he slowly advanced toward her and sat beside her.

"You wouldn't understand...it's about my mother." She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Yes, I would Asuka. I lost my mother at a young age." Shinji also let tears fall freely as he spoke.

"You...you did?" She inquired. She wanted to know more, but was reminded of her promise. "Shinji, get out. NOW."

As much as he wanted to stay and comfort Asuka, he knew about her fiery temper, and complied. He walked put of her room, and upon closing the door, heard her say, "No...I want him to stay...but I don't want anyone to see me like this..." His heart was torn apart. Despite her tough appearance, she was still fragile. She was crying all night long. He finally heard her stop crying, and heard her almost scream, "So..._KALT!"_ Shinji was devastated. His sleep was filled with Asuka's haunting wails and sobs.

He was awoken the next morning to Asuka's harsh voice. "C'mon Shinji! _Offnen der Augen!"_ He was puzzled by her use of German, her native language. He arose and dressed in his school outfit, consisting of a white T-shirt and black jeans. Plain white shoes accompainied his wardrobe. He waited on Asuka, and when she finally got finished dressing, they began the trek to school. They were early, as Hikari and Rei were the only ones there. Shinji sat, and opened his laptop. He switched it on, but he saw no reason to. He really never used it. Slowly the children began filing in, one after another. Shinji kept glancing at Asuka, dwelling on what had happened last night. That morning's lesson flew by, and in no time, Shinji was talking to Asuka over lunch.

"So...about last night...what happened Asuka?" Shinji asked, hopefully.

"It...was nothing Shinji, I just freaked out..." She replied gloomily.

"It sure didn't sound like nothing last night. Honestly Asuka, my views for you will never change, no matter what." Asuka must've thought that he was trying to get romantic, so she put up her sheild.

"Why are you being so nosy?" She scowled at him while speaking.

"I...well...I just...I care about you Asuka! I hope you realize that." Asuka's deep, sapphire-blue orbs widened, and she gasped. She blushed, and stood up. She quickly dumped her tray, and stacked it on the pile. She then walked out of the lunchroom, oddly fast. Shinji returned to class, and was confronted by Asuka.

"Shinji, why did you say those things in the lunch room?" She asked, pinning him against the wall.

"Because, It's the truth. Has no one told you those things before?" Shinji said, pressing his figure against the wall.

"Well...no. You're really the first." Shinji's eyes also widened at this statement, not able to process what he had just heard.

"Are...are you...Serious, Asuka?" He spoke shakily, not able to believe her.

"Yes. I don't understand--OH SHIT. We'll talk about this later. Here come the kids."

And so, the day went on, like normal, until the end of school, and the trio had sync tests. They arrived at NERV, and went to the locker rooms, and changed.

Shinji was in his plug suit, along with Rei and Asuka, in a matter of minutes. They walked to their respective Eva's, and entered the Entry Plug. They sealed them in, and the plugs filled with LCL. They then went through the procedure. Rei got her normal scores, above normal, and Asuka scored in the same area. Shinji, however scored abnormally. "Oh, wow...over 100 sync rate! Congradulations Shinji!" Misato chimed. "Thank you..." Everyone should have been rather supportive of Shinji, but one person was rather upset. A certain red-headed foreigner. They exited their plugs, and headed for the locker rooms. They had just finished changing, when Asuka confronted Shinji. He could see that she was mad about something, yet he hadn't done anything to upset her.

"So Third, you think you're better than me? Huh?" Shinji was confused, and rather frightened. He didn't know why Asuka called him third, and not his first name.

"No...I...Don't think I'm better than anyone." He replied, gazing deep into her eyes. He had no idea what this was about.

"Well then, Mister Highest Sync Ratio, your scores really---" She was cut off by Shinji's sheepish laughter

"Asuka, are you mad because of our scores? No need to be. We all get better." He said, standing up straight. All this time, he had been crouching slightly.

"No, I don't get better, I am the best! _Ich Bin Der MEISTER! _The MASTER. You hear me?" Asuka yelled. She didn't wait for Shinji to say yes or no. She stormed off, leaving him to absorb her anger. Rei walked up beside him and spoke. "Do not worry, it is natural for the German race to have fiery tempers." That didn't offer him any comfort. He reluctantly walked home, as having to deal with Asuka would kill him. He then remembered tomorrow was his day off. Saturday. He didn't get his hopes up, as he knew angels would strike at any time. He walked through the door, and saw that Asuka and Misato were watching T.V. Shinji grabbed a soda from the fridge and went to his room. He picked up a book he had been reading, and started. He had read a few pages when Misato burst in. Shinji now paid more attention to the book then he had before. He couldn't look at Misato. She stalked up to him and sat on his bed, right next to him. "Shinji, I just wanted to congradulate you on your awesome test scores. Way to go, kiddo!" With that, Misato pecked him on the cheek, and walked up. He couldn't read now. He stood up and glared out his window. He walked out, and sat between Misato and Asuka. Shinji watched as the red-head slid as close to the couches arm, as if to get away. He looked her way, and she was mouthing something, so he looked away. Misato looked at Shinji and smiled. He sighed and got up, and walked into the kitchen. He strapped on the apron Misato kept in one of her kitchens many cabinet's. He had nothing to make, so he just boiled some water, and made some instant noodles. That normally was their dinner. They ate, but Shinji was rather uncomfortable around Asuka now. She had a constant scowl on her face. Shinji finished, and cleared the table of his dishes, and walked into his room. He jammed the bugs of his SDAT into his ears, and his entire body calmed. He soon drifted into a relaxed sleep. He awoke the next morning to an angry Misato. "GET UP! WE NEED TO GET TO NERV! AN ANGELS ATTACKING!" Shinji dressed quickly, and followed Misato and Asuka into her car. They arrived at NERV in a matter of minutes. They dressed in their plug suits, and ran to the Eva cages. The cages drained of the crimson coolant, and they climbed into their entry plugs. The plugs filled with LCL, and they were launched into battle. This was the sixteenth angel, Armisael. Asuka saw this as her chance to proove that she was better than Shinji. Asuka started to advance, without any idea what this angel did. The giant ring of light, just floated there, spinning clockwise. She rushed up to it, and suddenly, she began screaming. The angel had reached out to her, and had delved into her mind, bringing painful memories back, back from her sub-conscious. The angel was, so to speak, "mind-raping" her. Shinji became frantic. He didn't know what to do. The technicians in the Warroom directed him to talk to her. Try and calm her down. "I'll...try..." he stuttered. "Asuka? Speak to me. You'll be ok...we'll get you out...somehow..." Shinji got only a reply of screams, and finally she said, "_NEIN! Das ist KEIN ENTRINNEN!"_

Shinji was terrified. One of the only people he cared for was now dying before him. Thoughts raged in his brain.

"**You have to save her. You love her, don't you?**"

"Yes, I do...but she dosen't love me...what's the point?"

**"She loves you. She just dosen't want you to know. Save her. Help her. She'll die if you don't."**

"No! She could never love me! She despises me!" His mind was in turmoil. Finally, he passed out. While sleeping, he was standing in nothing. Black. Just plain nothing. "_Wilkommen im Nichts"_ He heard a voice say. He spun around, to find that it came from behind him. He spun around to find the source of the voice.

There were two of him. His real self, and his sub-conscious. His sub-conscious self was, strangely, in the shape of his Eva. It's mouth didn't move, as if it was telepathically speaking with him.

"**She does love you. You just don't want to admit it. You think she'll leave you, like anyone who ever loved you. You need to stop being afraid, Shinji Ikari."**

"But why? Whats the point? She will reject me, who could ever love a weak boy like me?"

**"You are not weak. You calmed her when she was upset, don't you remember? You helped her, and she thanks you for that. You told her you loved her, and cared about her. She does love you. When you see her again, she will not be able to speak. Stay by her, and when she awakens, she will admit a secret to you. Trust me." **

"Wait, what is the secret? I want to know! I don't want to wait! Tell me now!"

**"All will be revealed in due time." **With that, his other self dissapeared, and he was staring into bright sunlight. Then, the figure of Misato Katsuragi appeared, blocking the sun. She collapsed onto him, saying, "Oh, thank God you're still alive!" She cried into his chest. He spoke lightly, still in a daze from when he slipped into unconscioussness. "Mi--Misato...Where's...where's A--Asuka.."

His speech was broken, and his mind was still hazy from what had happened. "Oh...Shinji...she's...in a coma...at the hospital." She said, still crying from the shock. Those words snapped Shinji Ikari into a state of alert. "Take me to her. Now." Misato was speculative about taking him, but he needed to see her. She guided him out, and they stalked off. Shinji changed back into his day clothes, and she drove him to the hospital. She flashed her NERV ID at the receptionist, and she found a doctor that led them to her room. Shinji gasped when he saw Asuka. He told Misato he wanted to be alone with her. She led him in, and spoke softly, as if not to upset him. "I'm sorry Shinji. Just be glad you killed the angel before it killed her." He didn't say anything. He wept as he stared at her lifeless body. She had a tube sticking out from her mouth, and countless wires and needles protruding from her flesh. Shinji tried to control his tears, but he couldn't stop them from flowing. He felt pathetic, crying over a woman that he loved, but she didn't love him back. He made a vow, that he would stay here, by her side. Then he remembered the words of his other self. She would tell him something, but he didn't know what. He was worried that she wouldn't make it through this. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't think she'd be too happy, if she awoke, and found him sitting next to her like she was. Her shirt was open, and she was bandaged from the lower chest down. He couldn't close her shirt, as two wires were connected to her breasts. He was distraught. He knew it was late in the day, and he wanted to sleep. But, he didn't want to have to awaken to find her dead. He sat by her side, grasping her freezing hand, wishing she would awaken. He fell into a light sleep, and he quickly awoke after dreaming that she had woken up. He then grasped her hand again, willing her to come back to him. He began crying again, but he made no sound. He just let his tears fall on Asuka's chest. He whispered to her, even though she may not hear him. Shinji spoke to her, "Asuka, I don't know if you can hear me, but...if you can, I...I love you...Asuka..." Shinji's eyes then widened as he saw her slowly smiled around the tube, and he felt her hand slightly tighten around his. He beamed, and spoke softly, "Oh...Asuka.." He squeezed her hand back, hoping she could feel it. It felt like days before the sun finally went down. A doctor came in and placed his hand on Shinji's shoulder. "Come on son. It's time to go. You can come again tomorrow." Shinji started to stand, but Asuka's feeble grip held fast. The doctor noticed the contact and realized that Shinji might help her awaken faster. "Nevermind son...stay as long as you like." He then walked out, leaving the two alone. Shinji didn't know what to do. He wanted to leave, but he had a promise to keep. He slept, still clutching Asuka's hand, and wondering how long it would be until she woke up.

He slept peacefully through the night, dreaming of what he would say when Asuka woke up. He would have plenty of time to think of that.

Shinji awoke the next day to find Asuka still sleeping, but more...lively. She had squeezed his hand harder now, and reacted somewhat to different things he said to her. Shinji didn't talk much next to her though, as she needed time to recover. He just squeezed her hand harder as she got better. Shinji couldn't wait for her to wake up. Shinji didn't cry now; instead, he smiled. He was glad he got this time alone with her. The doctor had hung a sign on the door that said, "DO NOT DISTURB!" Shinji was in his own little world inside that hospital room with Asuka. Shinji drew increasingly close to her, even though he knew she might be snatched away from him at any time. He sat there as the day dragged on, but he got a little suprise that day. Misato and, oddly enough, Rei walked in, and sat beside him. Rei had the same expression on her face as always, but Misato looked a little disgusted at the state their fellow pilot was in. She glanced at Asuka and then at Shinji. She spoke, "Shinji, have you been here this entire time?" He had forgotten that a day had passed since the accident. "Yes, I have. I would've come home, but she," He gestured towards Asuka, "wouldn't let me leave." Misato and Rei looked dumbfounded. "Uhhh...Shinji...what do you mean 'She wouldn't let you'? She's in a coma. She can't speak."

Shinji laughed. "I know that Misato, just watch." With that, the two stared at their hands. Their eyes widened as the watched Asuka's hand tighten around Shinji's. "Oh...that's what you mean." Misato said. Rei simply sat there, staring at them. Misato had brought something for Shinji in a paper bag. She told him not to open it until Asuka woke up, and then give whats in it to Asuka. He agrees, and they go on their way. He checks the time, and finds it to be around seven thirty. "Gah...I hope she wakes up soon...I can't stand it anymore!" He yells. Being a boy, he is 'exited' by Asuka in the state she's in, and he's had to deal with two days of it. He finally gives in to his desires, and has to physically separate himself from her. On his way to the bathroom, he hears a slight moan. A cold chill shoots down his spine. He turned around, and he saw Asuka's hand grabbing at thin air. "Oh...God...She's...She's trying to find me!" He walked back to her, and let her find his hand. She smiled around the breathing tube again, and squeezed his hand harder than ever. What he then saw made all his feelings for her rock-solid. Shinji watched as tears rolled down her cheeks. He wiped her eyes of the tears and spoke, "It's okay Asuka...I'm here...And I'll never leave again." She moaned again, and Shinji started crying. He didn't bother to wipe his tears, he let them fall freely. He never wanted to see that happen again. Shinji brought his chair as close to the bed as it would go, and laid his arm across her chest, trying to embrace her. He whispered again, "I'll never leave you...I love you Asuka..." He then slipped into a deep sleep.

He was having a nightmare. In this nightmare he woke up to find Misato and Rei, and the NERV Liutenants in the room. Rei was crying silent tears, Misato was sobbing in the corner, and Maya was comforting her, although she was sobbing as well. The other two Liutenants were standing there, staring at the floor. Shinji then looked over at Asuka. What he saw made his blood run cold. Asuka was covered in a white sheet, from her head to her feet, dead. Yet, she was still clutching his hand. Shinji screamed, "NOOO! NO! PLEASE, NO! PLEASE! COME BACK TO ME!" He then was shocked awake, to find her still asleep. He balled his free hand into a fist, and slammed it down on his leg. He squeezed Asuka's hand, willing her to open her eyes.

"Please Asuka...I need you...I want you to wake up...Please...Wake up..." He repeated those words over and over. Those were the magic words. After three and a half days, Asuka Langley Soryu opened her eyes. A beep eminated from a machine next to her bedside, and Shinji glanced up. His heart went aflutter. After three days, she woke up. Shinji remembered what Misato had given to him...all in due time. The doctors walked in, and moved him to the side. They removed the tube, and tested her memory, and tested her physical condition. She was fine, and they left them alone. "Asuka...Oh God, I thought I'd never speak to you again...I missed you Asuka!" Shinji threw his arms around her, but Asuka waved him away. "Shinji, what am I doing here?" Asuka asked. "Oh...right...you've been in a coma for three days. I've been right here the whole time." She gaped at him, and recalled the angels 'mind-rape' attack on her. "You...have? Oh...Shinji, thank you!"

She flung her arms around him, and he welcomed her hug, and her tears. "Yes...cry away Asuka...I don't care..." She was about to swipe at the tears flowing down her cheeks from her sky-blue orbs. Shinji then reached down, and pulled up the bag that Misato had given him. "What's that Shinji?" She asked. He replied honestly, "I have no idea...Misato came by and gave me this...she told me not to look until you woke up...oh...jeez...thank you Misato!" He pulled out this beautiful bouquet of red, blue, and yellow flowers. She gasped, and her eyes teared up again. "Oh Shinji...you swear she didn't get these because you told her?" She asked. Shinji replied honestly again. "I swear. Asuka, I'd never lie to you. I promise." With that, she embraced him, staining his white shirt with her tears. He wished that they didn't have to leave each other. "Shinji..._warum liebst du mich? _Why do you love me?" Shinji laughed at this question. "Asuka, I couldn't hate you, so I chose to do the opposite. I love you for all I'm worth Asuka. Nothing will change that." That made her cry harder and louder in his chest. "Oh...Asuka...please...don't be scared to cry in front of me...I don't care."

She poured every ounce of her passion for him into this one statement: "Oh...Shinji...you make me feel as if I can do anything with you...please..._bleibst du an meiner seite..._stay by my side...I love you too, Shinji." Shinji cried back into her shoulder, and said, "I never will Asuka. You can do whatever you want in front of me...it will never change the way I see you...I'll always see you as the strong, yet caring girl you always were...I'll go get a doctor and see if you're ready to---" He was cut off by Asuka grabbing his arm. "No...please stay...don't leave so soon...besides, you can buzz them right there...No, not yet, please." She said, as his arm went for the call button. "Shinji...come here..._kuss mich..._kiss me." Shinji's face drained as the request lingered in his ears. He was then pulled onto her lips by Asuka herself. Shinji struggled, squirming to get away. Asuka kept one hand on his head, holding it in place. With her other hand, she grabbed his arm, pulling it into a resting position. He then closed his eyes and welcomed her kiss. They were still kissing when the doctor walked in. He placed his hand on Shinji's shoulder, and he broke the kiss, and turned to face him. Asuka held fast to his arm. "Son, If you want, we can let the miss go home with you tonight, though you'll need to keep her company. We've set it up with your guardian." Shinji's heart skipped a beat. He glanced at Asuka, who nodded frantically. Shinji offered to walk Asuka down, if she'd need it. She tried to stand, but stumbled. Shinji caught her, and half carried her, half supported her down to the car. He glanced at the time. 6:35. Shinji wanted to get home as soon as possible. With Misato driving, that request wouldn't be hard to fill. They were home by 6:40. Shinji carried Asuka all the way up the stairs, and over the threshold, which married couples usually do. Then, he carried her to her room, and sat her down. He then turned to leave, as Asuka didn't like him in her room. She beckoned to him to stay. He stopped, turned around, and walked over to her. He sat down, and was immediately engulfed in Asuka's body. She was kissing him, cuddling him, pouring her tears on him, and all he could do was smile, and hold her head in place. He too started crying, and wrapped his arms around her slim body. Shinji squeezed her body against his, their tears mixing, their lips meeting, and their feelings exchanged. Misato creaked the door open to tell them dinner was ready, but saw the two, and decided to let them be. Asuka spoke as softly as she could between her sobs. "Ah...having you _in meine armen...ich leibe dich..._I love you Shinji..." She bawled. Shinji replied as softly as she had to him. "As do I...my sweet...as do I...My sweet, sweet Asuka.." he said, stroking her fiery auburn hair. He laid her down, and then, he laid beside her. They held each other, and kissed one another until later that night, when Shinji picked Asuka up, and guided her out into the living room. There they found Misato passed out on the couch, a large meal sitting luke-warm before them. They sat down, and ate, not caring how it was. They were happy to have each other, and to be as in love as they were. They finished, and went back to Asuka's room. They laid down next to each other again and, finally, Asuka broke the ice. "Shinji...why did you stay next to me for three day when I was asleep?" Shinji cried as he said the answer, and so did Asuka. "I...Because. If you had died, I wanted to be there. I didn't want to have someone tell me. I wanted to be the first one to know. I don't know why though. It's just easier if I find out myself." Asuka began sobbing, and latched on to Shinji. "Oh...thank you...I...I...I want you to know...Shinji...I..I love you...I also want you to know...I don't want you to leave me...please...stay in here...tonight...please?" Shinji got away from himself, and began crying uncontrollably. He then replied, "Oh...yes. l'll stay with you...my sweet." Then, she did something that he had never seen him do. She removed her neural connectors, and placed them on her night table. She snuggled closer to Shinji, and buried her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. They squeezed each other closer to themselves, talking back and forth silently.  
"Asuka...you make me happy...something I never thought I would be...I love you..." Shinji said, kissing her deeply.

"Shinji...I still can't believe you sat by _meine seite _for three days...and...I had acted like a total bitch to you before then..." Asuka whispered, stroking his hair.

"It's okay...I know you...No need to apologize...you're fine the way you are..." With that, his hand left her hair, and began stroking her back. That made the red-head hold him even tighter.

"Shinji...don't ever leave me..." She cooed. She loved him with everything she had. All her passion, every fiber of her being, everything. She wasn't expecting Shinji to say anything after what she had said to him.

"I won't Asuka. I've only got eyes for you..." He raised her face to his, and kissed her, making her eyes widen and fill with tears. She closed her eyes, and raised her hand. She rested it on Shinji's

cheek, and kissed him back for all she was worth.

Next Chapter: The Natural Attraction.

A/N: I know, that hospital scene was...odd...but I hate hospitals. I wanted to make it quick, because someone in my family was in a car accident once, and I couldn't wait for her to get out. I hate hospitals, and that's why I made it go fast. Shinji wanted her out, so I got her out. She was there for friggin weeks on end, and I didn't want that to happen to Shinji and Asuka. So...that explains it, to some extent. Also, it may seem that they are getting involved too fast. Asuka is just overwhelmed that, despite her attitude towards him, he stayed by her. She's just trying to make his efforts worthwhile. The next chapter will be longer, and I'll spice it up. Read + Review!

G.M.T.D.M.


	2. Chapter 2

Suppresed Emotions, Hidden Desires,

Chapter Two: The Natural Attraction

Enjoy.

Shinji awoke, and saw her. Asuka was lying there, her arms still wrapped around him. He smiled, and pulled her body to his. He stroked her hair, and he kissed her forehead. Soon, Shinji heard her yawn, which sounded like the call of a dove. Shinji let her go, and drew away from her slightly. She opened her eyes, and smiled at Shinji. She then pulled towards him, and raised her face to his. They kissed lightly, as they knew they couldn't be like this for long. After a few minutes, they knew they'd be alone. Asuka pushed her face onto his, making him push back. They were enjoying this, but Shinji took it too far. Asuka felt his hands leave her back, and rub up her sides, which gave her goosebumps. Her eyes widened, and she felt his hands move up near her chest. She pulled away from him, and covered her chest with her hands.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing!" She bellowed. He hadn't meant to reach near her chest. He honsetly didn't know what he was doing while they were kissing. He was focusing on her, and not where his other appendages were.

"Asuka...I swear...I didn't mean...to...do that. I swear!" Shinji was almost on his knees. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and walked up behind her. He kissed the side of her neck, making her gasp.

"I swear...on my honor...I could never lie to you, Asuka..." He said, wrapping his arms around her waist. She widened her eyes, and opened her mouth to speak, but never did. She just stood there, tears flowing down her cheeks, as the boy she loved with all her soul stood behind her, kissing both sides of her neck. She finally lifted his hands off her shoulders, and spun around, to face him. They finally kissed the right way. Their tears mingled as they rolled down their faces, and Asuka broke the kiss.

"Ahh..._das suse tranen auf liebe, _the sweet tears of love..." She said, wiping her eyes. She then did something strange. She rubbed the finger she had wiped the tears with across her lips. She then kissed Shinji again. He had never experienced anything like that before. The kiss was sweet, like a spoonful of sugar, yet salty at the same time. He loved that feeling. "**Something about her...I want. But, I can't put my finger on it...**" He thought. They walked out of the room, and saw that the apartment was deserted. They had the house to themselves. "How nice!" Shinji said innocently. "Yeah...how nice of her to give us some privacy..." Asuka mumbled devilishly. Shinji was wondering about what Asuka could talk him into. Shinji sat next to her on the couch, and they flipped on the T.V.

They watched a game show for a while, then flipped through the movie channels. Asuka stopped on a romance movie. It was a scene where the two stars were making out. Shinji thought back to that morning, and blushed deeply. He drew his knees to his chest, and pulled the collar of his shirt up to his nose. He looked at Asuka. She was looking at him intently. She began running her finger over her lips, and she crawled over to Shinji. She drew his collar down, and kissed him, falling over, with Asuka on top, holding his head firmly on her lips. Shinji kissed her back, and he melted into her. He grabbed her arms, and rolled her over. He went limp, and his body carressed hers. They stayed like that for several minutes. Shinji broke the silence.

"Asuka, why don't we go someplace...more private than the living room?" He offered. She accepted.

"Okay Shinji..." She said, standing up.

They walked to Asuka's room, and laid down on her bed beside each other. Asuka closed her eyes, and pursed her lips. Shinji closed the gap between them. A jolt of static electricity shot through their lips, making Asuka reel away from him. She quickly pushed her lips back onto his, not minding the tingling sensation. They kissed, and, after a while, began exchanging gentle, loving words.

"Asuka...I needed you more than ever when you were asleep. I was a nervous wreck. Now that you're awake..." He couldn't finish the sentence. His eyes began overflowing with tears. Asuka wiped some off of his cheek, and again, rubbed the finger on her lips. "It's okay, Shinji...no need to cry..." Shinji looked at her, and she lurched forward. Again, when their lips met, it felt like a mixture of a spoonful of sugar, yet a pinch of salt. He opened his mouth to let his tongue out, and he licked her lips. She moaned, and she opened her mouth. Their tongues tangled, and soon, they drew away from each other again. "That felt...amazing, Shinji." Asuka cooed.

"You think so? How about this..." He replied smugly. He rolled her over so she was facing the bedroom door. What Shinji did then made every inch of her flesh tighten. He nibbled on her ear, making her gasp, and shudder. He sucked her earlobe, tongued it, and chewed it for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he stopped, and Asuka melted. Her whole body relaxed, and she spoke in shivering gasps.

"_Auch...mein gott..._that felt...amazing..." She rolled back over to look at him, and he was flushed beet red, and was smiling. Asuka sooned turned red herself, and they just sat there, wrapped up in each other, staring each other in the eyes. They leaned in for another kiss, when Misato got back from all-night duty at NERV. She bolted into Asuka's room, and saw the two of them. Asuka issued a suprised gasp, and pulled her arms back to her chest. Shinji simply sat there, now an even deeper shade of red. Misato backed out slowly, and closed the door. Shinji stood up, and was walking towards the door when Asuka called to him. "Shinji, please don't go out there. I...I don't wanna have to explain to her why she caught us like that." He could tell she was embarased. Although, they had a secret weapon. They had caught her and Kaji like that before. Shinji didn't tell her that, and walked out the door. In the living room, Misato was pacing back and forth, and finally, when she saw Shinji, started tapping her foot, and spoke.

"Well? Don't I get an explanation?" She fumed. Shinji started to speak, and he heard the door behind him open.

"Misato, we were just doing what lovers do, that's all. I mean it." He spoke lightly, as he knew she was behind him.

"Since when are you two lovers?" Misato stamped her foot. Shinji smiled and said something that threw Misato off guard.

"Ever since we took after you and Kaji. Is that so bad?" Shinji said. He turned, and walked down the hall, snickering to himself. Misato wouldn't question them any further if she knew that they knew about her and Kaji's...intimate relationship. Shinji opened the bathroom door, closed it, and locked it for good measure. He exited a minute later, and walked back down the hall to the living room. Misato was curled up on the couch with a Yebisu. He looked away from her, and tried to focus on the T.V. He was slightly red from looking at Misato. Her very short shorts came down to about her higher hip, and they were very tight. Her shirt was okay, exept for the fact that it was very loose. Looking at her from the angle he's at he could just see the bottom of her right...! "**NO! I'm in love with Asuka, not this drunken freak...and her freakishly large breasts.**" He walked back to his room, and rammed the bugs of his SDAT into his ears. He needed to relax, as the state he was in would NOT please Asuka. He was listening to a cello song, which wasn't unusual, and he soon fell into a light relaxed dose. He was shaken out of it by Asuka. "Come on Shinji-kun, it's time for dinner."

"Okay, let me find something to---what's so funny?" He asked as Asuka began laughing.

"No, no, Misato cooked. She saved you the trouble." Shinji gulped as Asuka finished her sentence. Misato never cooked very well. She burnt everything if it was meat, and she only knew how to cook instant noodles without at least burning her fingers. Suprisingly, Misato's hands, Shinji saw as Asuka led him out, weren't wrapped in gauze, and the food wasn't just noodles. She had fried some different vegetables and threw them in the noodles, and also had done up some chicken. "DIG IN! It's good so I expect almost everything to be gone afterwards okay?" They nodded in unison as she downed her fifth Yebisu that day. She crunched the can, and tossed it onto the pile in the garbage can. They ate, and, to her credit, it WAS pretty good.

After they finished, Shinji took his spot at the kitchen sink to wash dishes. He was quickly pushed out of the way by Misato, who started to wash dishes. "Go hang with Asuka, I've got these."

"Oh...thanks Misato!" Shinji said as he threw his arms around her neck, then quickly let go. He went into Asuka's room to find her wearing the same type of clothes as Misato. He climbed in bed besie her, and they began kissing, not quick pecks and longer ones now and then, they were making lip contact for almost a minute. Shinji was close to overflowing. They way she was dressed, the way her chest pushed on him, made him want to make love to her right then and there. He restrained himself, and waited until Asuka spoke. "Shinji...you want more than this, don't you?"

He looked away, almost ashamed. She then made him face her, and began to kiss her again. He then took it over the edge. The dam that was pure will power gave way to the raging water of desire, in a flood of passion. He reached down, and grabbed the bottom of her shirt. She didn't care, but she took notice of it when he started lifting her shirt. All worries subsided when he stopped, but came back, as he began to remove her shorts. She was now worried, worried that her love may do something terrible to her. He went slow, as if to give her time to adjust to this. He got her shorts down to her knees, and began to take off her shirt.

"..."

"..."

"...Stop Shinji." She spoke as they broke for air.

He didn't. He pushed a little harder, and soon, her shirt was resting on her collarbone. He reached around, and began removing her bra. She realized what was happening, and she pulled away from him, and spoke, fear lingering on every syllable. "Shinji, I said STOP. Now please, wait for this. We aren't there yet..." He had almost fully removed her bra, when she stepped in. She grabbed her arms, and spoke, now anger mixed with her fear. "Shinji, stop. Now, please. Just a few more days, and we can do this. I promise." She pleaded. His hands left her bra, and he let go of her. He then reached down, and grabbed right below her hips, as if trying to stop her from moving. Her heart raced, and skipped a beat when she slapped Shinji out of his trance. He opened his sky blue eyes, and looked at her. Asuka was frightened. He looked as if it were anger on his face, and she began weeping. Shinji reached forward to hold her, and was slapped away. "Get...out...please..." Asuka said, between shuddering gasps of air. Shinji went to his room, after a quiet goodnight to Misato. Shinji sat down, and undressed, then changing into a comfortable shirt, sobbed into his pillow. He cursed himself over and over again, wondering if Asuka would ever trust him, or grant him a kiss. Ever again.

End.

Next Chapter: What Should I do?

A/N: Well, Sorry for the short little 'cliffhanger' ending there, I wanted to put you readers on edge.

Thanks for the reviews, but, quite frankly, if you feel yourself lose interest in the story, don't finish it. Read and Review.

G.M.T.D.M.


	3. Chapter 3

Suppressed Emotions, Hidden Desires

Chapter 3: "What Should I do...?"

Firstly, I would like to personally thank EVERYONE who reviewd my second chapter. YOU ALL FUCKIN' ROCK! THANKS FOR SUPPORTING THE NOOB!

Anyway:

Bigguy1234: Thanks. I try to please my peers LOL.

Frost-EVA-04: She will, just not soon, Not until the fifth Chapter, I hope.

Shinigami-Halfbreed: LOL! Sorry 'bout the characters, thats what fanfics are about, I say. I've read fanfics saying Misato's as well behaved as the Queen of England, and people didn't say jackshit about that. LOL!

HerrEvangelion101: He's not a rapist, just took it too far, too fast, is all. He'll act WAYY different in the coming chapters, including this one.

Master Disaster: This one goes out to you my friend. Best Positive Review Award. Read HerrEvangelions' reply, one up. He isn't a rapist. If he was, I'd make Asuka call the fuzz on him. FIGHT THE POWER! LOL, Just kidding.

Rahhel: Thanks, but I can't ask you for help on EVERY piece of German, I'll just have her speak English from now on. Read and find out what happens! That's all I gots to say!

ninetyninenails: Thanks! I told you I'd spice up the second chapter. This story is gonna be HOT!

Marduk-report: Gotcha. I'm not gonna change anything in this fic, since I got a great crowd going here, I'll get better next fic, PROMISE! I got tons of replies for this chapter, the last one everyone hated.

Anyway, on to the fic. This chapter is all about what Shinji does to try and win her back, and if it has any effect. I kinda made Shinji really angry towards what he did so just read to find out.

Chapter Three

It was the day after the incident, and Asuka woke up early for a Saturday. She had terible dreams last night about what Shinji might've done to her if he could have gotten her naked. She shivered at the thought. Shinji was a gentle and caring person, yet, he can become extremely angry. She didn't want to face him after what had happened. "**He had almost gotten my bra off for God's sake!**" She was scared, even now. She felt something well up inside her, but she didn't know what it was. It wasn't hatred, she knew that, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Fear? Quite possible. Last night she felt a desire to stop him, but that desire was matched by the desire to give her body to him. She wanted to protect herself, yet she wanted to please him. She wanted him to be happy with her, but she didn't want him to think that he could use her body whenever he wanted. She buried her face in her pillow and cried, not knowing how to solve this problem.

Shinji was in his room, wondering if he should run that knife across the soft flesh of his arm. He had stayed up all night, using the flat top of the blade, running across the tender skin of his wrist. He had never meant to harm Asuka, physically or mentally, but she loved him. He was angry, mostly at himself, but his anger towards Asuka burned brighter than any star. If she loved him, why not do what lovers do naturally? He was angry at himself because he not only knew the answer to that question, he had tried to force himself upon her. He felt his cheeks burn as his tears rolled down them. He finally turned the knife over, and placed it on his flesh. He twisted his face into a look of pain, as he dragged it across his veins. He opened his eyes, and gasped. He saw no blood, but he saw a dark red outline of where it had crossed his arm. "**Why am I doing this?**" He asked himself. He soon answered himself. "**I...I caused Asuka pain. This is the only possible punushment for that.**" Newton's law: For Every Action, There Is An Equal and Opposite Reaction. The reaction had already happened, and the reaction caused Shinji to contemplate slicing into his wrist. That action led to him actually trying, not succeding, but trying. He then tried again, and this time drew blood. "**When it actually happens, it's not that bad, and now, well...**" He watched, as a small pool began to take form, and he actually smiled at the sight. He made no attempt to dry it, he only took notice when it started to overflow. He took a deep breath, and walked out, still holding his arm straight out. He got to the nearest sink, in the bathroom, and let it flow over the sides into the basin of the sink. He turned on the water to wash his wound, and wash the blood off of the sides of the sink. Staring at it, he notices that blood isn't seeping from the slender opening. Sighing, he walks out into the living room. Seeing that Misato isn't awake, he knocks on Asuka's door. "What?" She barks. Shinji opens the door, and sees that Asuka's face is buried into her pillow. She looks up, and then looks away from him. He walks over, and sits on the very edge of the bed. He places a hand on Asuka's shoulder. "I...I'm...Asuka, I'm sorry about...what happened last...night. I don't know...what came over me..." Shinji spoke softly. He knew that Asuka's feelings were an old, narrow bridge. Saying too much, or, rather, DOING too much would cause it to break. "I know you are. BUT! You're going to have to work harder than that. You really hurt me last night, you know. I told you to stop, but did you? No." Shinji shrunk with every sentence. "Now, look." Shinji looked suprised as she kissed him on the lips. "We can still be like that, but only if I let you. You went really awry last night, I can't let you get like that again." Shinji looked destroyed. He knew that Asuka still loved him now, but she had no shred of trust left for him. "Please understand...now..." He looked at her, and was about to say, 'now what', when her lips met his. Shinji reached up, and placed one hand on her shoulder, only to have it immediately removed. "Not right now. Just enjoy this feeling." She said, after taking his hand off her shoulder. Shinji's body relaxed, and his shoulders slumped. He pushed forward, into the kiss, and Asuka accepted that. She broke the kiss, and told him to leave. Shinji sighed, and Asuka frowned slightly. "Normally, I'd let you stay, because you'd see me like this sooner or later, but under current circumstances, I can't." He knew what she was talking about. He accepted this punishment of sorts from Asuka. He deserved it. He left, and went into his room. He turned on his SDAT, and began to think. He began to wonder what he could do to get Asuka back. "**I don't think just anything will work. She'd be expecting me to do something like that...**"

He formulated plan after plan but nothing sounded plausible to him. He sighed with frustration. "Gah...I can't think with this damn music going!" He immediately shut the SDAT off, and yanked the bugs out of his ears. He leaned back onto his pillow, and tried to get a good idea of how to get her back. Little did he know that his actions that morning would work flawlessly.

Asuka walked out of her room, and walked down the hall. She stood at Shinji's room's door, and raised her hand to knock. She paused, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do. She knocked twice, and walked in. Shinji looked at her, and then smiled. Asuka walked towards him, and sat on his bed. "Shinji, I wanted to say something. I didn't mean to chew you out earlier, I just wanted you to understand. I know that you love me, yet...you still need to rebuild my trust for you." Shinji looked up, and saw her eyes begin to water. He sat up, kissed her cheek, and spoke softly. "I understand Asuka..." She smiled at him, and leaned forward to kiss him. Shinji pushed her away, afterwards hugging her. As he pulled away, his slice wound showed. Asuka's eyes widened, and her arms went up. She gasped, and pulled his arm back to her. "Oh my God! Shinji, what happened?" Asuka asked, holding the red, swollen line in his skin a few inches from her eyes. She was looking at it, almost in disgust. "I...uh...did..that...to myself..." The words rolled off his lips, and Asuka looked at him in horror. "Why?" was all Asuka could say. Shinji's speech was shaky, and he tried to finish as early as possible. "I was so mad at myself for last night, I did that, to get back at myself." Asuka latched on to him, crying, and said, "No! You didn't...have to..." She pulled her face from his chest, and looked at him, tears streaming down her face. "You're so stupid...so freaking stupid...I can't believe you..." She smiled at him, and shot forward, kissing him deeply. She pulled away and said, "I can't believe I love you...I can't believe I love an idiot like you...you didn't have to hurt yourself..." Shinji placed his finger under her chin, and raised her face to his, smiling at her. "Yes, I did. I hurt you, it's only right. Besides..." He said, stroking her cheek, "If you were hurt, I don't know what I'd do to myself." Right then, Asuka Langley Soryu snapped. She shot forward again, engulfing Shinji in a fiery kiss. He was suprised, after what happened, why would she be acting like this? His eyes widened, remembering what he had said. He then closed them, pushing into the kiss. He reached up, and placed his hands on the back of her head, and held her in place. She didn't care one bit. She pushed him over, wrapping her arms around him. He encirled her with his arms, placing them on her back. Asuka felt his hands rest on her shoulderblades, while hers were on the dent in his lower back. Feeling happy for the first time in years, she didn't dare let go. She squeezed him so hard, he thought she was going to break him in half. He crossed his arms behind her, and held her close to him. She broke the kiss, and looked Shinji in the eyes. He gazed deep into her cerulean blue eys as well. They didn't know what to say to one another. Shinji smiled, and brought her face to his. She kissed him again, but her heart wasn't in it. He gazed at her after she leaned back. "Asuka, I thought...what about what you said earlier? I mean, all I did was slice myself. No big deal." Asuka's face crumpled up, and he immediately pulled her into his chest, to stifle any sobs issued from her. She didn't sob, but looked up, and slapped him. Shock surged throughout his body. He looked at her quizzically as she spoke. "It IS a big deal! That little cut could've made you get your hand, or, God forbid, your ARM amputated! You think that your limbs can be regrown? THEY CAN'T. They maybe remade with todays sciences, but it's not the same! It IS a BIG deal in my eyes Shinji Ikari! You may not value your life very much, but I think you are a Godsend. I love you Shinji; I don't want you to die." Shinji smiled at her and kissed her and squeezed her with all his might. He didn't want to let her go.

Ever.

End

Chapter Four: Young Lovers.

We'll find out what'll happen to the pair.

A/N: Well! That chapter may have seemed short, but it was the longest god damned thing I've ever written. It took me five days to write this much...GOD I need a nap!

Read + Review!

G.M.T.D.M.


	4. Chapter 4

Suppressed Emotions, Hidden Desires

Chapter 4: Young Lovers

All of you who took the time to read this piece of shit, hats off to you! Rating CHANGE FOR THIS CHAPTER ONLY: Changed to M+

Here's the Recognitions! Rahhel, this contains CORRECT GERMAN.

Master Disaster: Well, I would NOT have had Shinji lie. It's not like him. Oops...Well, him cutting himself isn't either, but, under current circumstances, it's ok.

Were you about to call the pair something hentai-related? Good. Somethin like that's gonna happen this chapter! Sorry 'bout the paragraphs, it's the way I type. She'd eventually find out about the cutting himself sooner or later. How about sooner?

Frost-EVA-04: I will keep it up. I've got like two more chapters comin'! This one and one more!

Shingami-Halfbreed: Well, thanks. Changing personalities? IT'S WHAT I DO. God, My SUB-CONSCIOUS can change personalities. I had a dream once, and REI ACTED LIKE ASUKA. Yuck.

Sabby92: Well, that's great. I like the path I took (It's what I almost did after my girl left me) SO it fit :P I'm glad you don't have a clue where it's going...you won't be able to guess the ending!

Ninetyninenail: Kickass? NO WAY! Thanks!

Marduk-Report: Nutsy Bi-Polar Chick? Emo Wrist Cutter? WOW. Sums them up pretty much...Just a note. All German chicks are crazy and Bi-Polar. I should know. I have to deal with three of em LOL.

Here's the chapter.

The two are still in Shinji's room, just later that night.

Chapter Four:

It was going to be a long, long night, if you know what I mean.

Shinji and Asuka sat in his room, arms still tightly around each other. Shinji was using one hand to hold Asuka onto him, the other was stroking her fiery red hair. Asuka had balled her hands into fists to keep herself anchored to his front. They still didn't know where Misato was, she hadn't come home yet, and they don't think she'd leave without telling them. They didn't care, as they wanted, no, needed this time with one another. Asuka of course, broke the ice. "Shinji? Would you mind seeing if Misato's still here?" Shinji pulled his face out of her hair, and nodded. He stood up, and streched from being in the same position for almost two hours. He opened the door, and walked out. Having plain view of the living room, he saw she wasn't there. He ventured down the hall. "Where in the world could she be?" He said to himself, after checking her room. He saw no one in the bathroom, and no where else in the house. Sighing, he stalked back to his room. He opened the door, and, dropped his jaw when he saw her. She was lying on her side, resting her head on her right hand. She was running the fingers of her left hand up and down her legs, one of which was propped up, and the other was lying flat on his bed, making a 90-degree angle. He could plainly see the red on her cheeks, and backed up one step. "Asuka...what...what's...going..on?" He asked shakily. Asuka smiled, and relaxed her arm, hiking her skirt up as she did. "You'll see. Is Misato here?" Shinji shook his head back and forth, and Asuka's smile widened. "Come here..." She whispered. He took his sweet time walking over to the bed. He sat, and felt Asuka's hand on his shoulder. He looked back at her, and his heart began to race. Whatever she was wearing, it wasn't meant to be worn in public. It was so loose, it let him see down to where it tightened around her waist. "**I can tell what she's about to do...she's going to lure me into something...**" That thought was thrown from his mind, when she leaned forward, and kissed his neck. His blood rushed to his face, and she, having her mouth still attached to his neck, could see his face from the angle she was at. "Oh, what's wrong? You don't want this?" She asked, resting her right breast on his shoulder. Shinji tensed at the feeling of it weighing down on his shoulder. He turned, and spoke to her in his softest voice. "Yes...you don't know how long I've wanted this...but...what about earlier? You said th---" He was cut off by Asuka's finger being placed on his lips. "Shhhhh...Shinji, what I said...I didn't mean it. I don't care. I love you, and that's all that matters."

She cooed. Shinji took her finger off his lips, and kissed her with incredible force. She overcame her shock, and kissed him back, pushing against him. She pushed him over, and he held her close to him. Shinji was then slapped in the face. His body surged, and every nerve felt as if it were on fire. He began crying, and Asuka pulled back, in shock as well. Shinji buried his face in his hands, and sat up. She was in his lap, and suddenly, he wrapped his legs around hers. He pushed into her shoulder, and sobbed into it, coating the sleeve of her shirt with tears. "Shinji, what's wrong? It's okay, it's okay. I want this, and, so do you! It's okay. Last night is behind us. You pushed it then, but now we're both okay. Please..." She cooed. She stroked the back of Shinji's head, pleading with him. "No! It isn't okay! I could've hurt you, and you're okay with that! Asuka, please! I could've really hurt you, had you not stopped me. I want you, I want you very badly, but, I have self-restraint. Last night, it failed, and what about now? What if it fails tonight, and you can't stop me? What then?" He sobbed. She was crying too, but soon dried her tears. "Shinji, you won't. Even if you do, I promise I'll stop you. You aren't a sex-crazed beast, I know that. Please. Even if I can't, I'll be fine." Shinji looked up, and licked her lips. He kissed her, then agreed. He restrained from even touching her while she undressed in front of him. Soon, his drives were replaced. Love, passion, and restraint, were replaced with lust, desire, yet passion stayed. She finished with her skirt, and was there in front of him, at his mercy. Both of their minds were in absolute turmoil. Shinji didn't know what to do know, and Asuka was mentally preparing herself for what was to come. She kissed him, and unbuttoned his shirt. She pulled it off, and got down to his pants. Something inside him screamed at him to stop her. He fought a losing battle in his mind to stop this, and by the time the battle was over, they were both bare, wondering who'd make the first move. Finally, Shinji shot forward, and kissed Asuka with all he had inside him. His drives were kept under control by his mind, which was slowly being overtaken. To him, what they were doing now was perfectly fine. He wished they didn't have to go further than this, but he wanted it. Shinji began to feel strange, a feeling he had experienced before but did NOT like going through. He had lost the battle in his mind to lust, and desire. He was going to progress through this slowly. He still had self-restraint.

Asuka on the other hand, wanted to get the best part...fast. She reached down, and grabbed his hand. She placed it on her chest. He quickly yanked away from her, and looked a her, in complete shock. "Shinji, please. I thought we were going to make love? What's wrong?" Shinji sighed, and slowly balled his hand, completely forgetting where it was. She moaned, and Shinji quickly looked at her. "We are, you're just making it go to fast." Asuka agreed to the way Shinji did things, and, soon after, they had finished, sweaty and out of breath.

"Gah...son of a BITCH..." Asuka moaned after waking up. "Dammit...I can't bend like I used to..." She stood up, and pulled her shirt on. She walked out into the living room, and wave after wave of horror swept over her. Misato was sitting on the couch, looking incredibly sour. Asuka tried to back up as slowly as possible, and walk back into Shinji's room. "Oh no you DON'T! What did I hear last night coming from Shinji's room little missy?" She couldn't believe her luck. Just as they got serious last night, Misato must've gotten home. "Fuck it all..." Asuka muttered under her breath. "What do you think you heard? I didn't kill him that's for sure. All I did was---"

"Fuck his brains out? I bet you two didn't even change the sheets after you did it. I couldn't imagine having to sleep in something like THAT..." Misato cut in.

Asuka couldn't say any more. "Go get your fucker--I mean, lover, and I'll get some answers from him..." She walked into Shinji's room, and Misato heard Asuka shake him awake. Shinji walked out, kissing her, yet soured when he saw Misato. "So, you guys fucked last night, huh?"

"Yeah, so what? We love each other." Shinji responded.

"Let me tell you something, I hope you used condoms, if not, God save your souls. That almost happened to me and a boyfriend of mine. Thank God we played it safe. I hope you two dumbasses did." Misato barked. "We did, just so you know." Shinji barked back. He was tired of the way Misato treated them on serious matters, as if the pair were uneducated people. Shinji went back in his room, and he sat down on his bed, hanging his head in his hands. Asuka crawled up behind him. She placed her hands on his chest, wrapping her arms around him. "Don't mind that bitch...please..." She said, kissing his neck.

"Asuka...hahhh...Come here..." He said softly, turning around to meet her lips. Unbeknownst to them, Misato watched them from the doorway. "Ahhh...young love...precious." She whispered. She closed the door, the two lovers completely oblivious to her watching eyes.

End.

Next Chapter: This Is A Forbidden Love.

This'll end, an ending NONE of you will expect.

A/N: Well...This chapter was a personal best. If any of you are wondering why they've never been on a date, they've only been together for two days, yet they've seen each other almost 24/7 for quite a while before this. What's the point of a date?

G.M.T.D.M.


	5. Chapter 5

Suppressed Emotions, Hidden Desires

Chapter 5: A Forbidden Love

Again, The LAST chapter. Hope you liked this!

Regocnitions:

Frost-EVA-04: Glad you like it. No, I don't think you're a perv, you need to see the people I go to school with...

Master Disaster: Well, thanks? I was going to put that scene in there sooner or later. She's not gonna be pregnant, no. But, that's a good Idea for a fic later...

Can't do all the recognitions, gotta get to work!

Chapter 5:

Shinji and Asuka were still lip locked, and Misato was watching them from the cracked door. She soon closed the door, and walkd to her room, a fresh beer in her hand. She sat down on her bed, and started crying. The way they were, it reminded her about her teenhood. How she had sex non-stop for almost a week, and yet felt sorry for herself. She longed for that feeling of being in true love. She thought how they must've felt during last night. Enduring passion was something that came to mind. She smiled, and thought to herself, hating herself for what she was saying. "**Those lucky mother fuckers...I hope they're happier than I was..."** She was snapped out of her stupor when the phone rang. "Hello, Katsuragi residence." She answered as cheerfully as she could. It was a gruff voice on the other end.

"Hello Miss Katsuragi. Is Asuka home?" It was High Commander Soryu. Her eyes widened.

"Yes sir! I'll get her. ASUKA!" She yelled, holding her hand over the reciever.

"WHAT!" She yelled back.

"Your father's on the phone, he'd like to speak with you. Fear surged through Asuka as she called back to Misato.

"Coming!" She burst through her bedroom door. "Hello? Papa! How are things?" Her face drained, and her expression changed as her father told her the news. Tears welled in her eyes.

"Okay Papa...I'll tell her...But, why just me? Why not all the pilots?" She listened as her father spoke again. "I see...Yes, I'll pack. I love you, too. Bye." She handed the reciever back to Misato, and promptly fell apart. Misato knelt down to Asuka's level, and asked her, "What's wrong, Asuka?" What happened next would destroy Misato's earlier thoughts.

"Papa told me...that...there is a war...going on in Germany, between the Germans, and the Russians. Apparently they need me to pilot Eva to help them win. I've got three days left here. I'm never coming back. I'm so sorry..." Misato was shocked. She told her to wait, and went out into the hallway. She heard a door opening, some chatter, a suprised gasp, then Misato's bedroom door opened to reveal Shinji, and Misato, tears streaming down their faces.

"Asuka, is Misato telling the truth?" Shinji cried even harder when Asuka nodded yes. Shinji threw his arms around her, and held onto her for life itself. He was pleading in his mind to let this be a bad dream. "Please, tell me this is a bad dream...please Asuka." She quietly replied no, and Shinji, torn to shreds because of the news, pleads over, and over into her shoulder.

"Please don't leave me...please Asuka...I need you...I love you." She pressed Shinji into herself, and was torn between taking Shinji with her, or taking her life to end this pain.

"I'm sorry Shinji, but they need me too. I'm so sorry. I wish you could come with me, but this is a private matter." She rocked her body back and forth, as if trying to calm him down. Nothing would calm him down. Shinji released her, and she stood up. She went into her room, and pulled out the four suitcases that she had with her the day she arrived almost a month ago. She packed everything she owned into those four cases. All she was leaving was her bed. She walked out of her room, and straight into Shinji's arms. She looked into his sky-blue eyes, and kissed him. She broke the kiss, and gazed into his eyes. She finally buried her face in his chest, and started crying, coating the front of his shirt with tears. He held her head in place, and whispered, "It'll be okay Asuka...It'll be okay. I promise." She looked at him after she finished crying, and barricated herself in her room. Shinji walked down the hall to his bedroom. He reached into his nightstand drawer, and pulled out a bottle of pills.

"Praise God I have these little bastards." He took out two, and threw them into his mouth. He then swallowed them, and laid down on his bed. Almost instantly, he began to feel drowsy. "Damn..." He muttered. "Those sleeping pills are strong." After about a minute, he had drifted to sleep.

He was having a rather satisfying dream. In it, he and Asuka had slaughtered every single one of NERV's people, including the commander, and the NERV Berlin branch's men. The last person they killed was, fittingly, Asuka's father. She smiled at him, a wide, hellish grin, as she shot him through the heart. She broke into a fit of maniacal laughter, and afterwards, made love in a pool of blood. Shinji awoke after dreaming that. He knew what time it was. He simply popped another into his mouth, swallowed it, and had another dream. In it, he and Asuka were still teenagers, yet were getting married. All it was, basically, was them reciting their vows, and stuff. Afterwards, the ringbearer, oddly enough Misato, walked up to him, and handed him the case. He opened it, and took the ring out. It was a beautiful ring, real diamond, and 24 karot gold. For some reason, NERV's motto was inscribed on the inside, "God's in his Heaven, all's right with the world." Asuka's blue eyes sparkled when she saw it. She held her hand out, fingers splayed out in an odd manner. He slid the ring onto her finger, and the faceless shadow that was beside them, said the words, "You may now, kiss the bride." Shinji closed his eyes, and leaned forward. Asuka did the same. The minute their lips touched, he was literally slapped awake. "Shinji! Shinji! Thank God! I thought I'd lost you. Have you been sleeping!" It was Asuka's terrified voice. He had slept for three pill dosages; each pill makes you sleep for eight hours. Shinji tried to explain to her what had happened. "Asuka, I'm okay. I just took some pills. Sleeping pills." Her eyes widened in anger.

"WHAT! Why! I thought you'd killed yourself! Don't ever...do that...again, Shinji Ikari!" She said, between sobs at the end of the sentence.

"it's okay, Asuka-chan, I just wanted to...get away."

"What do you mean, GET AWAY?" She said, sobbing into his chest.

"I needed to sleep. Besides, I had a perfect dream." He said, reassuringly.

"What was it about?" She asked curiously.

"Well, in it, we were the age we are now, yet we were getting married. I had a beautiful three-diamond ring, made of solid gold. It had NERV's motto on the inside, so we never forgot the best years of our lives. We kissed, yet when we did in the dream, you slapped me awake." She smiled, and kissed him. He kissed her back. "**Fuck it. Two more fucking days is all I have with her. I wish she didn't have go. What if she...?**" Shinji stifled a sob, but Asuka caught it. "What is it, Shinji?"

"Asuka...what if you...please, don't take this the wrong way, but...what if you...die?" Shinji asked, almost expecting to be slapped. He opened his eyes, to meet Asuka's blue orbs.

"I was wondering that myself, but papa says it's impossible. I don't believe him. Please..." She said. She was none too happy that Shinji couldn't help her; in fact, she didn't think her father would approve of her having a boyfriend. They kissed for a while, and then simply passed out in each others arms. They didn't dream, just slept in one anothers arms. They woke up several hours later, and kissed, wanting to ge the most out of each other before she left for Berlin, along with Unit 02. They again fell asleep in each others arms, yet Shinji had a dream this time.

Asuka was naked, pressing her much larger chest down on him. "Make love to me, Shinji..." She moaned. Shinji scrambled to get away, yet couldn't. He looked around, and was surrounded by glass. He looked down, and he had chains around his wrists, his ankles too. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE!" Asuka, in an attempt to quiet him, shoved her breasts in his face. "You don't like these, Shinji?" Shinji resisted the urge to scream yes, and simply swallowed and bit his lip. She crawled backwards, and positioned herself above his manhood. Shinji waited for the inevitable, yet the feeling never came. He opened his eyes, and was holding nothing. Asuka was gone. "**How fuckin long did I sleep!**" He thought. He raced out, and found Asuka on the couch. It was late, and he went back to bed, aided by one of his pills. Luckily, his sleep then was pleasent.

He woke the next morning to find Asuka in his room, completely naked. Even her hair was let down out of the ponytails it was normally in. One more day. This was the last time he'd get to have her body. "Shinji, Misato's gone. She just left. Please, I need to feel you just once more. I may never get this opportunity again. I want you." She moaned. He stood up, and she pushed into him, just like his dream. Shinji removed his shirt, and then his pants. He needed this as well. She was the hottest girl he had ever seen, and he loved her. She loved him back, this was a match made in fucking heaven. They knew what they needed, and fulfilled that need. Shinji had fueled this raging fire in his heart with love, passion, and all of his past anger towards her. It fired out of control, and surged through the rest of his body. She had a fire in her soul, fueled by exactly the same thing. They were in heaven. He had a beautiful woman that he may one day marry her, but right now, this immense pleasure was all he needed. She said she needed this, and so he gave it to her. He couldn't have been more passionate than he was being now. As they finished, Asuka said something that was totally shocking to Shinji. "Shinji, I want you to come with me to Berlin. I need you. What you just did felt better than anything in the world. It was amazing. I want you." She said, while sporting the most innocent face she could muster. Shinji couldn't help but smile. He complied, placing his hands on her bare chest, wrapping his fingers around, and, making sure he had a good grip, pulled her by her breasts to him. He kissed her, and replied to her, sporting the happiest face he could muster. "I will. I needed you, yet, I don't know what'll happen if I do go. Your damn father is the NERV high commander. He'd execute me if he found us together. Though, I'll try. I want you too Asuka, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I love the way you are. Thin, yet still sexy as hell!" She blushed at the compliment. Soon after, their blood went cold, as Misato Katsuragi walked in on them. "Holy. Fucking. Shit. You two...dammit! Asuka, you're father's gonna hear about...oh Fuck it! Screw that old codger! If you two wanna fuck, be my guest! Asuka's gonna get fucked sooner or later, by a guy she loves, or raped by some horny fucking maggot on the street. At least it's Shinji. He couldn't hurt a fucking fly!" They were so happy Misato say it their way. They knew it was late, and walked out, with their night clothes. When they saw Misato, Shinji almost fainted, yet Asuka almost puked. Their twenty-nine year old guardian was tanding there, cooking their dinner, yet her outfit made accentuated her breasts almost to a point where they'd be illegal outside private property. It was chilly in the house, and her nipples WERE standing on end, like the hair on the back of Shinji's neck after he saw her. Asuka burst out in a fiery barrage of her colorful vocabulary.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A FUCKING PROSTITUTE! ARE YOU TRYING TO TEASE SHINJI? DAMMIT, HE'S MINE!" She bellowed. Misato walked over to Shinji, and, completely ignoring Asuka, shoved her very large breasts into his face. She spoke in a very arousing tone. "Shinji, when Asuka gets like this, I want you to enjoy every minute of it. You like what you see? I'm not asking if you love me, I just want to know, if when Asuka gets like this, you'll be really attracted to her...well, your body's already answered that question..." She said the last few words smugly, as if to really make Asuka mad. He was totally ashamed. He tried to resist her, yet his body didn't care who's breasts they were, he was going to be aroused at the sight. She walked away, satisfied, and continued cooking. Shinji looked at Asuka, with a totally ashamed look on his face. She leaned over, and kissed him, yet suprised him when she grabbed his manhood. "It's alright, I know how the Male brain works." Shinji smiled, and Misato laid dinner out. They ate, and while they ate, Shinji stared only at Asuka's chest. He glanced at Misato once, and saw her wink one eye. Shinji and Asuka finished, and went into his room, ready to welcome sleep. They encircled each other with their arms, his lanky, rough arms, and her smooth, silky soft ones. Shinji dug his fingers into her arms. She moaned, and dug her nails into his back. "**Ah...loving pain...**" He rested his nose on her hair, taking in that farmiliar scent. He felt like he was with someone, and with that someone, it felt as if time stood still. Like all clocks had stopped, and everything was quiet. He fell into a relaxed sleep, and only dreamed of Asuka, lying next to him, on the banks of the lake that was next to Tokyo-3. For the longest time. Until, a hand, reached down, and snatched her away. His only love, now gone, with no knowledge of where she is. He opened his eyes, and met the cool, gentle sunlight of dawn. He saw Asuka, and held her close to him. "Goodbye, Asuka... for now." That seemed to make her react, in a way Shinji never expected. She exploded with tears, and shook with shuddering gasps for air. He held her closer to him, and she constricted his chest. She didn't want to let go. He could almost hear the music, the funeral theme, that would be played bu fate, when Asuka was taken by ship, back to Germany.

Misato walked into his room, to find the two lovers entangled in one another.

"Yes, Misato?" Shinji snapped. She jumped, as she didn't know they were awake.

"Shinji, it's time for Asuka to leave. Commander Soryu is at the docks. We've asked the NERV branch here to not come by the docks, as to leave you two alone. Come on, wake Asuka." Misato spoke tenderly.

"I am awake." Asuka snapped. She stood up, in the uniform she was wearing when she arrived exactly a month ago: her yellow sundress. Shinji walked her through the apartment, Asuka carrying all her suitcases. No one spoke until they got to the docks. Commander Soryu sounded as happy as happy could be.

"Asuka! How's my little girl?" The commander threw hi arms around his daughter, only to meet a cold expression. "So, you must be Shinji. Pilot of Eva Unit 01." He nodded. Shinji wanted to kill the elder Soryu right then and there. "I'll give you two a few minutes to say your goodbyes." He then stalked off, helping load her Eva onto the aircraft carrier it would be laid down on. "Shinji, I'll ask if you can come with me, but my father's stubborn. I want to be with you forever, but my father...well---" She was cut off by Shinji, pressing his lips onto hers, making her reach her hand up, and place it on his cheek. They stayed that way, for an eternity it seemed like, until commander Soryu yelled at Shinji to release her daughter. "Young man, you know I have the power to end your pathetic life? I will exercise that power, should I see you and my daughter like that again. She will be back. Five years." She was taken aback by what her father did. She stood there, wathcing him fume. "Asuka...I swear, I will not see anyone until you come back to me. I love you." She poured her tears onto him, and watched, as her father pulled her away. She was taken onto a ship in which all personnel were held. Shinji watched, as the ship pulled away from the dock and forward. He went home with Misato, on the way there, crying his eyes out into her shoulder.

In the following weeks, Shinji had become a mess. He stayed in his room all day, only coming out to shower and eat. Exactly a month after Asuka left, he recieved something that would drive him over the edge of the narrow bridge that was his sanity. The telegram read, in big bold letters:

"Shinji Ikari, pilot of Unit 01, your fellow pilot, Soryu Asuka Langley, has been wounded in action. Unable to determine if she will live or die."

That drove him to the edge. He hoped against hope, and prayed, that she'd be okay. One week later, his horrors came to life.

"Shinji Ikari, your fellow pilot has died. Time: 3:56 AM. Place: Berlin Regional Hospital.

Cause: Injuries recieved in battle. Body will be shipped back to Japan, to be buried there."

That caused him to be pushed over the edge, down into the ravine below, that was the trap of his tortured mind. He staggered, down the hall, to Misato's room. He pushed the door open, a sickly smile on his face. He looked in her desk drawers, and found what he wanted: Misato's standard issue self-defence pistol. He chambered a round, and put the gun to his head.

"I love you Asuka!" He yelled, as he pulled the trigger. He fell in a heap on the floor.

Misato walked in, and smelled something rank. She walked down the hall to her room, and saw blood under the door. She kicked it open, and fell to the floor in a faint. Shinji Ikari's body was in a heap on her floor, his gray matter scattered on the wall.

Shinji and Asuka were now united.

Until the end of time.

End.

A/N: Short for a last chapter, but good I'd say. Im not going to write for about four days, to catch up on sleep. Sorry guys!

G.M.T.D.M.


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